SkaredyKat
by Ek01
Summary: (Original story, Season 1) Bob, a cat who was always frightened of everything, finds himself in a Louisiana animal shelter that houses strange animals who resemble various urban legends and horror movie characters...
1. It Begins

Somewhere in Minnesota, is a small population of feral cats. Some are Siamese, tabby, Persian, even European shorthair.

But within this seemingly normal area, lived a cat that was not normal in the slightest.

He was a tabby cat by the name of Bob, and each day, he lived like it was his last.

Bob, was very scared of everything.

He would point a stake at the gothic teenager that passes by his alley, or hold up a piece of silverware at the hairy man that delivered things.

This is because his previous owners were horror-movie enthusiasts, and without warning, they would drag poor Bob over to the TV to watch with them.

Now, poor Bob was fearing for his life out here. He went off to get a sandwich from the Subway alley nearby his dumpster, when something odd happened.

One of the newborn black kitten triplets had noticed a small butterfly in front of Bob. He bent down and wriggled his little tail...

"No no, no no no..." Bob murmured to himself.

...Then JUMPED in front of Bob, catching it with his little paws.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Bob screamed at the top his lungs.

He was lost now—he didn't know what to do with the BAD LUCK that he now had!

Bob ran so quickly and so disoriented, that he ran right into the animal control truck. The people picked him up, placed him into a cage, and carried him away...

————————

When Bob awoke, he found himself being licked by something. He opened his eyes—he was inside a nice, warm enclosure with sunbeams coming from the windows. But, he was more interested with the licking...it felt...like a dog was licking his kitty face.

Bob opened his eyes and cleared his vision to find that there was a small, brown puppy licking his face. But this puppy didn't look like an average one...

"Uh..." Bob said. "I don't mean to be species-ist, but, what breed are you, exactly?"

"Mostly Werewolf..." the puppy said.

"WHAAAT?!" Bob exclaimed.

Then, it all clicked within his head...

That dog did certainly resemble a werewolf.

And, that mouse somewhat looked like a mad scientist, as well as that cat, who looked like a mummy.

That parrot looked invisible.

That opossum certainly resembled a zombie.

The animals that resembled monsters started to surround Bob, making him feel more and more uncomfortable...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" Bob screamed, suddenly.

But none of the animals looked like they wanted to attack or kill in the slightest...

"WHAT?!" Bob exclaimed. "Aren't you people gonna string my guts out or make me your zombie slave or somethin'?"

"No..." the werewolf puppy said.

"Of COURSE not!" A ghost dog said.

"We only do that to our e-ne-mies..." a female, black young rabbit said, placing a needle into a voodoo doll.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" Bob exclaimed.

"I'd be happy to show you around!" The werewolf said, grabbing a black cat clad in various wrappings. "I'm Gwen, and this is Bastet-Osiris!"

Bastet grunted at Gwen.

"Sorry—SHE-PHARAOH BASTET-OSIRIS OF UPPER MEMPHIS, EGYPT!" Gwen exclaimed in a loud, booming voice.

"She-Pharaoh?" Bob said. "This thing doesn't look like a princess or something...what, do all princesses wear disgusting, itchy bandaids on their skin?"

"THAT TEARS IT!!" The mummy cat exclaimed at the top of her lungs and went barreling directly towards Bob.

Suddenly, another black cat lifted to her paws, and managed to make the mummy cat calm down by chanting some kind of spell.

"How'd you do that?" Bob asked, staring in disbelief.

"I am skilled in da art of vodun, chile..." The black cat said, in a Jamaican accent. "They call me, Tituba."

"My name's Bob..." Bob introduced. "Say, where am I?"

"...YOU IN NEW ORLEANS, CHILE!" Tituba exclaimed. "Da most magical place in da United States!"

"Oh no..." Bob said. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—" he tried sticking his hand under the door.

————-

"..MRREEEOOWWWWR—"

All the shelter volunteers heard was Bob's cute meowing, and saw his cute little paw sticking out from underneath the door.

————————————

"-OOOOOOOO!! I GOTTA GET BACK TO MINNESOTA!!" Bob yelled.

"Minnesota?!" Came a voice. It was a tiny mouse dressed like a mad scientist. "I am Dr. Franklin Neutronicus Beans, and I concur that is quite a drive from here! It looks as though you will be staying here forever...seeing as how a felis cattus of your species looks ill-fit for such a long journey..."

"NO!" Bob exclaimed.

"Do not fret, Robert..." Frank said. "We'll take care of you, and New Orleans, Louisiana is much more exciting than Minnesota, I "Gay-Ron-Tee!" He said, briefly in a Cajun accent.

"I'll continue to show you around!" Gwen said.

After a little while, Bob was starting to get rather tired.

"...And this is Friday!" Gwen proudly exclaimed and held up the little rabbit from earlier. "She moved here not that long ago with her parents from New Jersey!"

Bob looked at Friday, who held up a voodoo doll she was making...that somewhat looked like him!

"Um...nice to meet you..." Bob said.

The little rabbit gave a very sinister smile at the cat.

"I IZ JIF!!" The zombie possum from earlier held out a rotting hand to Bob.

"Nice to uh...meet you." Bob said.

Then, all of a sudden, the zombie rodent's stomach burst open, making all his guts splatter everywhere.

"Whoops. Sorreez." Jif said. "My tummy fall out."

"Since you're gonna be staying here, and it's gettin' kinda late , let me show you to your room..." Gwen smiled.

After a few seconds of walking, Gwen opened a door to a cat bed and a stuffed bat.

"Okay, so you'll probably meet more of us tomorrow..." Gwen said. "Why don't you get some rest, and I'll show you around some more in the morning..."

Gwen silently closed the door. Bob now thought this wasn't as bad as he'd initially believed! He snuggled up next to his stuffed bat, and closed his eyes...

"HHEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!!" A very loud Jack russel terrier yelled as he used an axe to break down the door.

"Oh, and that's Johnathan." Gwen said. "Buh-lieve me! That won't be the last you'll hear from that guy...crazy."

Bob found it very hard to sleep that night.

End.


	2. Bride of Scaredykat

Please

Bob walked down the dark Louisiana alleyway that night, exploring his new home. He was used to seeing snow everywhere around this time, but he was starting to like this warmer climate.

Bob's new and improved meal routine was simply stopping by the alley of a fancy restaurant, or begging some rich homeowner for food. He had developed a taste for Cajun cuisine, especially beignets--so, so much more appetizing than the McDonalds back up north.

The Annabelle White shelter was just a few blocks away, and Bob had to duck under benches or trees every now and then, as it was raining. From underneath a few newspapers a very wet Bob struggled to keep warm.

Then suddenly, something caught his eye. He peered out from underneath the newspapers (only to get a face full of rainwater). Bob shook his face, then he saw it. A beautiful silver cat was walking across the street, completely undeterred by the rain.

"Wow..." thought Bob as he took in her facial features. "Much better than those snotty Minnesota babes.."

He shook off the newspapers, and started to follow her. She looked back at him and winked. Bob only continued to chase her, through fences, over buildings and even on top of a few boats! Finally she stopped. Bob purred at her, then she purred seductively. Bob grasped her wet body and hugged her.

"Hi." He said. "I'm Bob."

"Hey..." she said in the hottest voice Bob had ever heard. "My name is--"

At that moment an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere. It was a gas carrier, and it was on fire. The eighteen wheeler squashed Bob's new girlfriend, and plummeted off the road, exploding.

The bloodied corpse of Bob's girlfriend was then flung into a construction site. Bob looked over

the rim, and watched in horror as a loud 'THUD.' penetrated the area. His girlfriend had been crunched by a wrecking ball.

Bob quickly grabbed the body before anyone could see him and hurried home. He looked at her. She

was so beautiful. He didn't even get

to know her, and yet here she was; lifeless and bloody in his arms.

Bob had to get help.

And he knew just where to get it.

——————-

——

"...screwdriver."

"...hammer."

"...rubber duck."

Frank-N-Beans continued to work on his newest invention from within the shelter break room. His assistant, a hunchbacked turtle named E. Gore was helping him.

"E. GOOOOORRREE!!!" He called.

"WHERE'S THAT VESPA?!!"

"Right here, mah-ster..." the turtle croaked.

"Wonderful!" Frank clapped his hands together. "Now, could you be a dear and get a blowtorch, some yo-yos, and isolate the fourth dimension? Oh! And while you're at it, make me a cheese latte."

E. Gore started to walk away. He

looked back.

"Yes, mah-ster..." he sighed.

E was just about to get to the latte maker when--

"DOOOOOOOOOCCC!!!!" Yelled Bob as he burst through the door. The force of when he opened the door sent E. Gore flying.

"WOAH!!" Dr. Frank-N-Beans ducked as the turtle flew past his

head. He got to his feet.

"THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD, FRESH STEP!!" Frank yelled. "IM' IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING VERY VERY BRILLIANT HERE!!!"

"I see..." said Bob. "BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!" The limp corpse of the dead cat rolled from Bob's arms and stopped at Frank-N-Beans' head.

"YEEH!" Frank stepped back.

"I know," said Bob. "Grody, but I saw

her get run over by an eighteen-wheeler and crushed by a wrecking ball!"

"Hmm..." Frank lifted up the dead cat's arm and let it plop back down.

Frank continued to examine the cat and mumbled something. He looked inside its mouth, then he laughed.

"WHAT A PERRRRRRFECT SPECIMEN, ROBERT!!AHAHAHAHAAA!!"

"Specimen?" Said Bob. "What do ya mean?"

"You see, Robert," Frank-N-Beans

hopped on a swiveling chair and pressed a button on a computer, showing the accomplishments made by humans.

"Throughout history, many people have made great accomplishments to our world. They claim that animals are far more stupid than they. Do you ever see an animal making a major scientific breakthrough?! NO!!" Frank slammed the computer. He continued to speak. "I, Robert, intend on doing what no human has done before...do you ever hear the expression, "cats have nine lives"?"

"Y-yeah?" Said Bob.

"Well, I intend on doing just that, yes, Bob, as you may have figured out..."

Frank-N-Beans extended the chair up through a hole he made into the roof. He inhaled.

"I AM GONNA BRING THE DEAD TO LIIIIIIIIFEEE!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

A bolt of lightning struck the air, and Frank coughed due to his hard evil laugh. He bought the chair back down.

"...your latteee, mah-ster..." E had just gotten back, carrying a mug with a yellow concoction inside.

"Thank you--" Frank took the latte and started downing it, liquid cheese staining his lab coat. "NOW LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!"

E. Gore pulled back a sheet covering something rather enormous. That something was a huge laser-like machine composed entirely of random household objects and wires pointed directly at a slab. Frank and Bob placed the corpse onto the slab, and chained it down. Next, they placed a blanket over it.

"Now," said Frank. "According to my

calculations, at approximately 2000 hours--that's in a few minutes--a lightning bolt should strike this exposed area, into the laser, powering it up. Once we have obtained the power of the lightning, we will close the hatch, and then E will activate the laser on the corpse, thereby resuscitating it. Also, I've made a few modifications to the body so as to ensure a better survival, so, don't be surprised if it looks a little weird."

E opened the hatch.

Bob, Frank, and E all put on "protective gear", (actually welding helmets, pots and pans, and sunglasses). The lightning from outside struck Frank's enormous laser.

"CLOSE IT!!!!" Yelled Frank.

E obeyed. The hatch closed, and Frank pressed a large, red button.

The laser activated, charring the blanket. It kept on blasting and blasting, until it ran out of power.

Bob yanked the blanket off of the electrocuting corpse. Frank-N-Beans' "modifications" made it look much more horrendous!

It now had crab legs instead of hind paws, one bat wing, one bird wing, a scorpion's tail, and its hair was up in a strange beehive. It also had bolts on its neck, and heterochromia. Frank approached

his creation. He laughed maniacally, and stroked its fur,

admiring its wings and added

features. He laughed maniacally again, as the creation looked at its creator.

"IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!" He yelled. Frank grabbed E. Gore and screamed in his face.

"ALLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE I TELL YA!!!"

"I will call you..." Frank-N-Beans

paused, and looked at his creation once more. "...Patricia."

"Nope!" Said the creation. "Pat-ree-shuh too long. I, Patty!"

"Oh dear..." said Frank-N-Beans. "It appears my machine has eradicated a portion of her intellectual cerebrum!"

"SPEAK ENGLISH, PLEASE!" Exclaimed Bob.

"To put it bluntly...My...my machine made her stupid, Robert..." said Frank, rather ashamed.

"DANG IT, BEANS!!" Exclaimed Bob. "She was all awesome and smart, now she's--YEEH!!"

"Now now Robert..." said Frank. "It's what's on the inside that counts. What--she like your girlfriend or something?"

"No.." said Bob.

"GRILLFRAN?!!" Exclaimed Patty.

She embraced Bob.

"YYAAAAYYY!!! I haz me a Grillfran! Me will loves you and me will kiss yous and me--" Patty proceeded to

bang poor Bob by his tail on the floor. She tossed him into Frank's

machine.

"Holy moly!" Exclaimed Frank-N-Beans. "This thing is damn strong!!"

Frank started to write in a notepad. Patty approached Bob, who flinched and started to move away from him.

"G-get a-a-way from me you beast!!" Exclaimed Bob.

Patty gave a squeal of delight.

"I call you ScaredyKat!" Said Patty. She choked Bob and loudly gasped. "...If you ScaredyKat, then me Bride of ScaredyKat!"

"...how wonderful.." gagged Bob.

"Well, this was fun with you, "Patty"," said Frank, pulling the two away. "But I have stuff to do. So why don't you play with those cat toys over there or watch TV, and your groom'll be back in a jiff."

Patty watched as Bob left the room with Frank and E. Gore.

"Shoot." Patty kicked a cat toy. "How me get him to love me if me Bride of ScaredyKat? He said he my grillfriend..."

Unbeknownst to Patty, the TV remote was right behind her, and she sat on it.

\--"Hello and welcome back to...TOUGH LOVE! I'm your host Steven Ward, and let's play cupid!--"

Patty's attention was averted by the TV in front of her. The humans

talking seemed to relate to how she felt about Bob.

~"...our first caller is a lovely lady from Duluth, Minnesota.."~

"I must continue to watch this", she thought.

Within her pea-sized mind, Patty had developed a theory: Bob would surely like her if she acted like a total babe like how the "Steven Ward human" gave advice to the women.

"That it!!" Patty punched a hole in the TV. She gazed at it, then ran to another television to watch this strange show.

\--

Bob was outside the shelter, walking around and enjoying the day. But he couldn't help but think of that one girl he met--even though she was dead.

Bob took a cherry blossom from a nearby tree, and started to pluck the petals, much like every lovestruck human.

He sighed.

Suddenly, he felt something rustle.

A strange letter was at Bob's paws.

He picked it up.

Next, Bob grabbed a decorative rose and tied it to his bow tie, and finally he sprayed a tiny bit of a perfume bottle he'd found on the bathroom floor.

"...watch out, Fabio..."

Bob jumped through an open window and landed on the pavement. He quickly got up.

"There's a new Casanova..."

Bob happily strutted through the New Orleans streets, people occasionally stopped to pet him.

Eventually, Bob arrived at the location.

The restaurant in mind was very French in architecture--of course this is New Orleans, everything's gonna be French inspired--and soft music played from inside.

"Le Bayou Bijoux" the marquee read in bright pink cursive.

Bob walked around the restaurant where a bunch of cats and other animals were seated at crate "tables" and eating from the trash.

"What goes around comes around.." chuckled Bob. "Lose one dame, you get another!"

He looked around. Man, these female cats were incredibly sexy.

Suddenly, he stopped. Someone was calling "YOO-HOOO!!!"

Bob saw a rather lovely figure. He approached it.

"Ah, my little darling," said Bob. "Please pick up your face, that I might see the beauty before me..."

Bob's date obeyed, revealing that his date was not a hot girl, rather, Patty was right in front of Bob, wearing an outstretched red dress, and an enormous pink sun hat with a comical yellow daisy sticking out from it. She also wore horribly splattered makeup and had a stupid grin on her face.

"Hello, Bobbeh..." said Patty. She waved a floppy black human gloved paw.

Bob couldn't help but cringe at this.

PATTY, of all animals had decided to date him?! Sure, she was okay before--now that she'd been revived and re-created she was a total freak!

"So tell meez about youselves." Patty dragged Bob's seat closer.

"Uhh..." Bob froze.

"I start! I iz cat, I haz great big hair an crab legs, wha bout yuzz?!" As Patty continued to talk, Bob would occasionally back away. Patty, however, would only get closer.

Eventually Bob was so scared he screamed like a girl.

"STAY BACK!!" Exclaimed Bob. "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT YOU'RE A MONSTER AND I DON'T WANT YOU AS MY GIRLFRIEND!!"

Patty didn't listen.

Bob emerged from her grasp and threw various things at her; a flower vase, a trash can lid, etc. Patty opened her mouth, and a long, slimy tongue shot out and wrapped around Bob, pulling him closer. Bob tossed a lighter at Patty (not intending to harm her), and instantly her body ignited. Patty looked quite horrendous as she walked through the alley.

"MMMMMNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGHHH..." growled Patty,!much like the human Frankenstein.

"FIRE B A A A A A D D D D!!!!!!!"

All the other cats ran away. Bob was pinned to the wall as Patty closed in on him. He braced for attack, when someone said,

"Patricia?"

Patty turned. So did Bob.

Frank N Beans was right in front of them, with a handsome, green-colored male cat. He had obviously been created, as indicated by the stitches and screws in his neck.

"This is Frank!!" Exclaimed Frank-N-Beans. "As you can tell, I named him after me--awesome, I know,

and I just made him. Now, uh, Frank here kinda likes your girl, Bob."

"Okay..." Bob moved back, allowing Patty to tackle him.

"Frank!" Exclaimed Patty. "You gone so long! Me was worried!"

Frank licked his index paw, and put out the fire on Patty's body. He then embraced her.

"Patty, my dear..." Sighed Frank. He

slowly dipped Patty. "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!"

The long-lost couple embraced.

Bob and Frank looked at each other.

"Well, I'm single again.." said Bob. "And we'll have to deal with this at the shelter..." he sighed.

"It just goes to show ya, Robert..." said Frank. "Love can't be born, it's created."

End. input content


	3. dead, dead, deadski

Bob woke up one Sunday morning to see everyone staring at the window. He walked closer.

"Whatʼs up you guys?" He asked.

Bobʼs eyes widened. Across the street was a large, red sign at the foot of the shelter. Bob couldnʼt read, but he knew what that

sign was for.

"Theyʼre SELLING the shelter?!" He exclaimed.

"Yes." Frank-N-Beans sighed. "Thereʼs nothinʼ we can do about it—looks like your first week here will be your last."

Everyone got up from their positions

and started to leave.

"Guess Iʼll see how much bunnies are worth on eBay.." Friday sighed.

"Wait, wait!" Said Bob. "Donʼt GO!!"

He grabbed little Friday. "Thereʼs probably SOMETHING we could do!"

"Well, there's always the Oracle!" Said Gwen. Everyone looked back. The "Oracle", was a creepy-looking barn owl with strange, ring-like eyes perched on a windowsill.

Long, dark feathers draped down from her head, resembling hair. She turned her head at a 360 degree angle and stared at Bob. Bob walked closer to her, she looked

rather hard into his face.

"...g a z e u p o n m i n e e y e s , P u s s . Y o u w i l l d i e i n s e v e n d a y s s h o u l d y o u d i s o b e y m i n e p r o p h e c y I a r t b e s t o w i n g t o y e..." she said in a strange

voice.

As the Oracle looked into Bob's eyes, he too had the owl's strange pupils. Then the Oracle stopped, leaving Bob very dazed and confused.

"...ugh..." he placed a paw to his face and pulled his eyelids. "What the meow mix just happened?"

Frank-N-Beans and Gwen stared at

what was in front of Bob. Bob turned and saw it was a small book. There was a post-it note on the front of the book, written in electric blue ink with rather loopy

writing.

"...Read the summon spell at the beginning of Chapter 42, pg 6. XOXO, ;) The Oracle."

For such a terrifying bird she had rather good handwriting, Bob thought.

He opened the book to the 42nd

chapter and examined the page. Bob cleared his throat and began to read.

"Though I know I should be wary, Still I venture someplace

scary.."

Bob looked at his pals.

"How corny can ya get?!"

"No, no!" Said Frank-N-Beans. "Keep going! The Oracle's never wrong!"

Bob started to read the page yet again.

"Ghostly hauntings every day, BJ, BJ...BJ?" Bob looked around.

Nothing happened.

"Meh." Said Bob. "Sorry guys! It doesn't work."

There was a loud 'BOOOOM!!!' that made Bob stick to the ceiling fur-up, with his claws.

Something creepy that looked straight from a stop-motion animated b movie emerged from the ceiling and ran off, making an enormous hole in a wall.

A small, pale white chipmunk emerged from the hole in the ceiling with a "POP!". He had bright green hair, beady yet crazy-looking eyes, and wore a black and white pinstripe suit.

"...what the.." Said Bob.

The chipmunk conjured a microphone, and a spotlight appeared on him.

"HEE-LLLLLOOOOOOOO EV'RYBODY!!! SHOWTIME!!!!!" The chipmunk said in a squeaky voice.

A bunch of lights like the outside of a movie theatre came on. Slowly, a

large banner unfurled, reading "BJ! Best Bio-Exorcist west of Shreveport! (Sponsored by Dante's Inferno Room)". The little chipmunk casually walked down a large set of stairs.

"My name's BJ--name so nice, ya say it thrice, I am the ghost with the most! Also I'm a comedian extrordinaire/reality-bender, and I make a REALLY good casserole. All rights reserved, copyright MOI, I'll be your haunter this evening!"

"I-I-I-I-I-I..." Bob awkwardly stuttered.

"What's a matter, son, CAT GOT

YOUR TONGUE?! AHAHAHA!!!" A rimshot played from nowhere as BJ laughed.

"Never gets old. So what's the skinny, cat?" Said BJ. "Got any livin' things I need to scare?! Are the livin' things HUMAN?!"

"Yes they are, actually, and theyʼre trying to SELL OUR HOME!!" Bob

exclaimed.

"Heh, humans.." BJ sighed, making millions of dollars appear suddenly.

"They think money makes the world

go roundʼ...GLAD IM NOT ONE!!"

Suddenly, Gwen appeared from the other room. She started to snarl.

"...I saw your movie, "Chip-n-Dale"," snarled Gwen. "You're not lookin' to marry anybody, are ya?!"

"Take a chill pill there, Lassie!" Said

BJ, holding out a dog whistle. "I ain't as cray-cray as the guy from the Burton flick!"

"So is this gonna take long?" Asked Jasper. "Cause I have a mani-pedi in the netherworld in 10 minutes."

"Oh donʼt you worry your undead little head, doggy..." BJ patted Jasper. "Iʼll have these losers out in five shakes of a sandwormʼs tail..."

————

Later that afternoon, a sports car pulled up, and a rather stylist caucasian man and woman exited.

They were clearly the buyers, as they looked in the mood to do some selling.

A small van pulled up as well, it was white, and it read "Beau Pampelmousse des Ennuyeux

Moving".

She exited the vehicle and greeted the buyers.

"...So, let me show you around the place...itʼs SUPER old, been here since the 50ʼs at least, when it used to be a puppy mill..." said the real estate woman. She led the two humans inside.

"Most people claim this place is haunted—can you believe that malarkey?!"

Suddenly, the door inside opened, revealing a large man in a black suit

for the event.

"I believe that I will be doing the tour around here," he said as he slicked his hair back.

From the shadows of the vent system, BJ watched as the fat man introduced himself as the owner, and how he named the shelter after his "little petit cher belle" who loved animals.

"I sure hope those humans have

pooper scoopers..." Beej paused and smiled, menacingly. "CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA GET A LOAD OF ME! AAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"BJ snuck back into the animal cages.

His plan would surely save the shelter, no doubt about it.

—-——

The humans walked through the shelter, lamenting how the wallpaper would look and such.

"...I think perhaps we could put a 6in flatscreen over here, massage chairs over here.." said the man.

"No, no, darling.." sighed the woman. "At least let me have an input in this decision..."

"Well, you can make all the decisions you like..." Said the owner, leaning on a table in the break room, slightly crushing it. "I have

the deed right here if you wanna sign right now—in about two to three business days, the place is yours!"

The man extended a thick hand which held the paperwork for the shelter. The male buyer was just about to reach it when...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!!!!" A blood-curdling, if not muffled scream ripped through the building.

"What on earth..." the buyer woman looked at the real estate woman and the owner.

"Must be the cats.." Said the buyer man. "Isnʼt that right?" He asked the owner.

"...c-cats d-d-donʼt meow like t-t-that..." the owner shivered.

"Well than WHAT made that?!" Exclaimed the buyer man.

"YOUʼRE THE OWNER, BIG GUY!! YOU SHOULD KNOW!!"

"T-this didnʼt happen before.." Said the owner, feeling rather uneasy.

"Well, letʼs not stand around like terrified children—I say we settle this like adults, and investigate the situation.." said the real estate woman as she marched down the halls. The owner followed.

"Uhh..." the buyer man looked at his wife.

"After you.." said the buyerʼs wife.

The buyer couple walked down the halls after the real estate woman and the owner. They looked at the walls with somewhat uneasy feelings—New Orleans was pretty weird in itself, but this particular animal shelter; this was like no other building in all the south!

Eventually, they came to a room with all kinds of animals, cats, rabbits, fish, lizards, dogs, squirrels, rodents, birds, even fish and hissing

cockroaches! But, what was on the side of the wall, was what really

stuck out for all four people—written in what appeared to be blood or very dark red ink, was a strange message.

"Sell...the shelter...and...die?" The owner read.

"GRAAAAAA!!" Exclaimed BJ, bursting from the vent. Heʼd shape-shifted into himself resembling a horrifying demon, scaring the male buyer so hard his underpants were left.

"No, no, COME BACK!!" Exclaimed the real estate woman. "ITʼS JUST

A DUMB PRANK! Thereʼs no monsters or whatever!"

Suddenly, she stoped and stared at her shoulder.

BJ was right there, in his chipmunk form. He pulled back the skin on his face as though it was a mask,

revealing a bloody, fleshy inside. He pressed his cheek, squirting some

blood on the real estate womanʼs

dress, causing her to flinch.

"Oh, come on you cowards—" the woman took a small taste of the blood. "Itʼs not re—" the womanʼs eyes widen as she spits it out, frightened. "ITS REAL!! ITʼS REAAAALLLLL!!!!!"

All the humans left the shelter. Bob, Gwen, Bastet, Frank N. Beans, Friday, and many other animals emerged from the shadows, cheering.

"THANKS, BEEJ!!" Said Bob, grabbing the chipmunk.

"Oh, and I forgot to tell you—since you guys summoned me, Iʼm gonna wreak eternal havoc on all the world, unless you say my name three times fast..." BJ smiled.

"Hah...youʼre funny.." Said Bob.

"Itʼs like the scientific saying," Said Frank N. Beans. "Eciujelteeb, Eciujelteeb, Eciujelteeb!"

"Yeah, BJ, BJ, BJ—" BJ stopped as

a portal to the Netherworld opened up, and he was sucked in.

"CUUUUUURRRSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU!!" He exclaimed.

End.


	4. Gwen Un-Leashed

One day, Gwen was happily walking through the dog park with some of her dog friends, as well as Stacey and Gracey.

"Hey you guys, check this out!" Gwen kicked a fire hydrant, and due to her werewolf strength, the hydrant exploded into a blast of water.

"ALLRIIIIGHT!" One of Gwenʼs friends, a chow chow named Fluffles exclaimed and jumped onto the water fountain, getting himself shot into the air.

"I gotta say, Gwen," said Ruby, a mini chihuahua, lapping up the water. "You seriously know how to show a dog a good time!"

"Thanks, Rube!" Gwen smiled. "Hey Stace, Grace!"

Stacie and Gracie slowly looked up from smelling a horrified dogʼs butt.

"Letʼs go steal some guyʼs hotdog!" Gwen smiled.

"...O." Stacie said.

"...Kay." Gracie replied.

"And I, am gonna be the one to do it!" Fluffles smirked, puffing his chest in a proud manner, despite it resembling a wet mass of carpet.

"Fluffles," said Gwen. "Did it ever occur to you that only stealthy dogs can get food easily? And letʼs face it, youʼre not stealthy.."

"Nonsense, Gwen!" Fluffles patted her on the back. "STEALTH, IS MY MIDDLE NAME!"

Fluffles flopped to the ground, which created quite the impact, setting off a car alarm.

"Mm-hmm.." said Gwen.

————

The four dogs snuck past the gates, and their owners, and moved up until they could see a man about to eat a hot dog.

"So, what exactly is your plan here?" Gwen asked.

"Just watch me!" Fluffles grinned.

Fluffles quickly walked over to the man, and barked. The man placed his hot dog down, and looked at the massive, wet dog, then back at his suit that he wore, all nice and white.

"No..." said the man, who immediately deduced what was about to happen. "NO NO NO I JUST HAD THIS WAAASHED!!"

Fluffles only moved closer and wildly shook his fur, water and mud getting everywhere, especially on the manʼs suit. In an instant, the man dropped that perfect hot dog, and Ruby caught it.

"Jackpot!" said Gwen.

Gwen and her pals started to chow down.

"This...is...the BEST HOT DOG EVERRR!!" Fluffles squealed. "Is that RELISH?!"

"Oh yes..." Ruby took another bite, then started rubbing her eyes. "Am I crying?"

"Yes you are." said Gwen. "I wonʼt judge, I AM TOO, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!"

Everyone looked back at Stacie and Gracie, who only chewed a little bit, then looked back up.

"...we like it." they said in unison.

"Hey, can I have some of that?" asked a dog.

"Sure thing! Say, are you new

around here?" Ruby asked someone.

Gwen looked up from her hot dog.

Gwenʼs jaw immediately dropped.

In front of her, was a slender, brown puppy about her age, except he had blonde highlights on one rift of fur, and beautiful blue eyes.

"Hi..." said the dog. "Yeah, Iʼm Scott. My owner bought me a coupleʼ months ago anʼ we came from Atlanta."

"Iʼm Gwen!" Gwen introduced. "W-would y-you like to g-go our with me...NOT LIKE A DATE! Just, some time...sorry.."

Ruby and Fluffles stared awkwardly at Gwen.

"Iʼd love to!" Scott replied. "Yʼall wanna go to the French Quarter? I hear yʼall New Orleanians love that place, anʼ I wanna try it."

"Sounds good!"

Gwen smiled.

She smiled, though she knew she had gotten herself into a heap of trouble...

————

Later that day, Gwen ran into the basement of the animal shelter, worrying about how the date with Scott was gonna go down.

"W-what if my butt doesnʼt smell good enough? Or if he doesnʼt like chew toys?" She frantically thought.

"Or what if he HATES werewolves?"

Fortunately, she knew of someone who could help her with her love drama.

"Ti-TUUUUUUUUBA!!"

"Enchanté..." said Titu, looking up

from a magical potion she was making.

"What do you need...a gris-gris?"

"No." Gwen replied.

"Voodoo doll?" Tituba held a dog-shaped doll to Gwen.

"No." said Gwen. "I need your help—I have a crush on this new dog, and Iʼm going on a date with him, and I was wondering if you had any magical thing in your little witch place that can help me.."

"Perhaps I might..." Tituba said.

"WAZZUP, MAH WITCH!!!" Exclaimed a familiar voice.

"...oh no..." Said Tituba, placing a paw to her face.

"What is it?" Asked Bob, suddenly appearing.

"More like who, ees eet." Said Tituba. "I can sense heem."

"Who?" Asked Tim, suddenly appearing as well.

"Bee Jay..."

Sure enough, BJ was right there, standing on top of a couple of potions.

He wore a comically large Rastafarian hat, and his hair in dreadlocks. He snapped his fingers, and reggae music started to play.

"Here we go again..." Gwen sighed.

"I say,

let us put man and

a woman

together,

To find out which

one is smarter,

Some say man but

I say no,

The woman got

the man de day

should know...

And not me but

the people they

say,

That de man are

leading de women

astray,

But I say, that the

women of today,

Smarter than the

man in every way,

That's right de

woman is uh

smarter,

That's right de

woman is uh

smarter,

That's right de

woman is uh

smarter, that's

right, that's

right..."

"Doan tell me," said Tituba. "You went to Jamaica, an you were lees-tening to Belafonte."

"You know it baby!" Exclaimed BJ. He yanked out a cannabis cigar and started taking a whiff. "Haven't been there since the 1570's, and it's still a BL-LAST!! Man, If you're lookin' for a vay-cay, Jamaica is o-kay! Whole lotta ghostly bon vivants to hang wi--"

"Why deed you te-ak so long to get back?" Asked Tituba. "You are a ghost, you can teleport anywhere at wheel!"

"Yeah, Titu,--it's kinda hard for a guy to teleport back when--" BJ inhaled. "--HE IS TRAPPED IN DE MUDDERLAND WHEN A HURRICANE HITS, MON!!" He said in a faux Jamaican accent.

"So, why are you here, Gwenny?"

"This is all because I met a nice guy, and I need one of you guys to give me something to help me woo him.." said Gwen.

"Well," said Bob, "the way us normal animals go about it is you just be yourself!"

"YOURSELF?!" said BJ. "No, no, I got much better advice than this.."

"Oh, boy.." said Tituba, shaking her head.

Beej shoved Bob into a jar from Africa lying near one of the walls, then leaned closer to Gwen.

"When you see a really hot dude, you can't just straight up marry him--trust me, I tried, the Nutland lady ended up makin' me get swallowed by a sandworm."

"...weirdo." Gwen said after he finished.

"Well, itʼs true!" Beej chimed back.

"Tituba," said Gwen. "Like I said, do you have any spells that can help?"

"Yes, chile..."

Tituba stood on her hind legs and grabbed a massive, leather-bound book, stuffed to the brim with ancient Jamaican-African Vodun passed down from her former owner. As such, the book was called "Le Grimoire Du La Croix."

"Thees grimoire holds many a secret, Gwen, chile..." Tituba opened it up. "But donʼ you fret none, I knows precisely what you need."

Tituba opened the massive spellbook, Gwen and Beej curiously approached. Eventually, she stopped on a particular page, of a beautiful pink flower with golden tips at the end.

"Here we are, chile..." Tituba said. "Dis is da Blossom of Aphrodite. Once your mon smells a fraction of dis, he will fall in love weeth you—no doubt about eet. But be careful, chile. According to Greek legend, dis flower came from Aphroditeʼs tears, anʼ it has destroyed many civilizations."

"Okay, cool, thanks!" Gwen exclaimed as she was handed the Blossom and placed it into a small plastic bag.

————

Scott was still in the park, playing fetch with his owner. Suddenly, the owner walked away and told Scott something about needing to take a business call.

"Heyyy Scotty!" Gwen spoke as she

got closer to him, holding the Blossom in one of her paws.

"Hi Gwen!" Scott smiled, wagging

his tail. "How are you?"

"Mm—canʼt complain." Gwen sheepishly responded. "Anyway, CAN YOU SMELL THIS NICE FLOWER I FOUND?!" Gwen shoved the Blossom into Scottʼs face.

Scott immediately took a whiff, gagged, and fell back, completely

limp.

"Oh great!" Gwen exclaimed. "I KILLED HIM!"

Gwen started to walk away, feeling both horrified and sad that she somehow killed her new boyfriend.

"GWEN! DONʼT LEAVE ME MY!LOVE!!" Scott yelled all of a sudden.

"SCOTT?!" Gwen exclaimed.

(Cue "Loveʼs Theme", Barry White)

The young dog approached Gwen, and dipped her, passionately kissing her paw.

"I would walk the ends of the earth for you, I would THROW MYSELF AT YOUR PAWS if there was a puddle in your way, Gwen, YOU. IS. MAH.

DAWG!" Scott yelled and happily wagged his tail.

"Alright..." Gwen shrugged. "I love you too..."

"A-MA-ZIIIIING!!" Scott yelled as he bounded away.

Gwen gulped, for her goose was

undoubtedly cooked now.

——————-

(Record scratch)

"Oh, man, Titu!" Gwen spoke as soon as she came to Titubaʼs lair once again. "I really screwed up this time!"

"What do you mean, 'dis timeʼ?" Tituba asked.

"Well, that potion worked alright, but now I need somethinʼ thatʼll turn him back to normal!" Gwen whimpered. "HEʼS TOO LOVEY-

DOVEY!!"

"Here you go..." Tituba handed the antidote to Gwen. "Make him drink it."

"AWESOME!" Gwen took it in one

of her paws and kissed Titubaʼs

paw...which smelled a lot like jerk goat. "THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

"Dis is gonna be super cliché, but no probʼlem, mon!" Tituba replied.

———————-

Once Gwen arrived at the new Cajun place, she found that Scotty was already there, with a full spread of oysters, etoufeé, beignets, lobster, non-alcoholic mint juleps, and two poʼboys with extra spicy Cajun shrimp.

"I already paid, my love. No need to

fret.." Scotty sighed dreamily and moved in closer to kiss Gwen.

"Um, hey!" Gwen paused. "Maybe we should save the kissing for later!"

"You are right, mi amore!" Scott grinned. "I too, am famished."

Gwen started to take a bite of one of her poʼboys, when Scott pulled out a cloth napkin and wrapped it around his neck.

When it was fully wrapped, it said "LOVE BUG" on the front with a little cartoon ladybug.

Gwen then looked down at the antidote, then thought—Scott was really being kind to her, and she began to wonder if she should give him the antidote.

"Oh, GWENDOLYN!" Scott exclaimed. "I almost forgot! I have a song that I wrote for you!"

Scott pulled out a massive guitar from nowhere in particular, and started to strum.

"OOOOOHHHH

HH GWEEENN,

I LOVE YA SO

MUCH,

OUR LOVE WILL

NEEEEVER

END!"

Scott sang in a HORRIBLY off-key

tone.

Yep, she figured. She had to give him the antidote.

"YEAH YEAH

YEAH YEAAAH!

GWEEEEEEEeeEE

EN!! YOU ARE MY

FRIEND!

GWEEEEEEEeeeE

EEEeeeeEEEEEEN NNNNNNN...H!"

"SCOTT!" Gwen exclaimed,holding up one of the mint juleps. "HOWʼS ABOUT A TOAST?"

"Okay!" Scott replied. He threw his guitar to the ground and picked up his mint julep, (which was slightly darker than Gwenʼs). "TO LOVE!"

"To, uh, love!" Gwen replied.

The two dogs clinked their glasses together. Once Scott drank his, he immediately fell to the ground, unconscious. Gwen cracked a small

smile, as she still didnʼt know if he was alive or not.

"GWEN!" Came the voice of Scott.

"Oh, Scotty," Gwen embraced the young dog. "Iʼm so sorry about all this—I shouldnʼt have tried to impress you by beinʼ somethinʼ Iʼm

not..."

"What dʼya mean?" Scott asked.

"Iʼm actually..." Gwen took in a deep breath. "Iʼm actually a werewolf."

Gwen proved this by forcing her mind hard enough, and she quickly shape-shifted into her human form—a young African-American girl with long nails, hairy knuckles, yellow eyes, frizzy hair and sharp teeth. She wore a New Orleans Saints t-shirt and light blue shorts.

"No way..." said Scott.

"See, there it is, I knew you were gon—"

"Iʼm a werewolf, too!" Scott smiled and took his human form; a cute Cajun boy with red hair, wearing a purple and gold patterned tank top and brown shorts. He too, had the hairy knuckles, sharp teeth and long nails Gwen had, too.

And with that, the two werewolves changed into their dog forms and went back home, promising each

other theyʼd date again.

End.


	5. Take Me to your Litter

Outside the far reaches of the Milky Way, something descended onto the atmosphere of the earth. The thing, or spacecraft as they often called it in science fiction movies, crashed into a tree on impact and created a massive hole.

With all the ruckus, Bob, Gwen, Tim, and the rest of the animals awoke to see what had happened.

"What is this thing?" asked Bob, poking the strange spacecraft.

"Donʼt know.." said Gwen. "But imma press that button!"

"GWEN!" said Bob. "Please donʼt!"

Outside the minuscule space-craft, was something strange—it was clearly a mammal, just, why did it look so...weird? It had black fur, two sets of eyes, extra-long claws, and a long, scorpion-like tail. Tendrils shot out from around its head, then the strange creature stuck out its tongue. It appeared to be smiling at everyone, it opened its mouth and said a noise that sounded like "H-H-Hayi!"

"WHAT IS THAT?!!" Exclaimed Tim. "(*SQUAAK-WHISTLE!*)".

Bob approached the strange being.

"Hold up, I got this..." Bob cleared his throats and inhaled; "KLAATU, BARACUDA NIKTO!!"

The strange creature stared at Bob. So did everyone else.

"...what?" Said Bob. "I saw, okay, I saw A LOT of space movies in my lifetime, people! Just...tryin' best I can, DON'T JUDGE OKAY?!!"

The alien weasel started growling savagely, making everyone else nervous.

"TʼYANGA UJʼ NAʼ IH! SAWALA ZA UI NOH LANTʼA!!"* The alien weasel exclaimed.

(*CEASE THIS NONSENSE AT ONCE, EARTH-FLATULENCE, OR I WILL GREATLY CONSIDER GRINDING YOUR HEAD TO A FINE

POWDER!!*)

"Okay, you know what?" Bob said. "Donʼt panic, I happen to know a

guy that can help us with this situation."

——————

"Hmmm..." Frank N. Beans spoke, after Bob had bought Preddi to

his make-shift office. Franks was also using a stethoscope to listen to Preddiʼs heart (which sounded like the theme to the X-Files). "Very strange, mister Bob."

"really?" Bob replied. "So what is he?"

"Some form of alien weasel." Frank N. Beans explained to Bob. "I havenʼt seen aliens since my sentence as a lab mouse back in 82ʼ, but I can definitely state this is an alien—and since the weasel is a

predatory animal, I shall name this creature, "Preddi"."

"Okay, "Ripley"..." Bob snarked. "Iʼll "believe" you when I—AAAAUGH!!"

Bob quickly found that "Preddi" had a long, purple tongue with spines, as well as itʼs own mouth out. He wrapped his mouth-tongue around the edges of a coffee mug, and pulled it into his mouth, crunching with his multiple sets of teeth.

"Well, you got me convinced.." Bob said.

"Perfect." Frank put some goggles on. "TO THE EXPERIMENTATION ROOM!!"

———

First, the experiments began with seeing how long Preddi could last underwater. After the next session of electroshock therapy, Preddi looked...relatively charbroiled.

"Why exactly are we doing this, Frank?" Bob asked.

"Well, HELLO!!" Frank exclaimed. "Heʼs probably a member of some interplanetary war tribe or somethinʼ, didnʼt you say youʼve seen every alien flick?!"

"Well, yeah, but what if thereʼs a slight chance he isnʼt?" Bob retorted.

Frank stared at Bob. His eyebrow started to furrow, while Bob gave a massive smile.

"...hey, it could happen, right?" Bob asked.

"...touché." was all Frank had to say on the matter.

——

After a total of 42 tests from the experiment session, Frank N. Beans seemed rather disappointed that Preddi had not any maljusted

intentions to take over the world, like the other aliens heʼd seen.

"You watch that illegal alien, Bob.." said Frank N. Beans, before removing his goggles. "Iʼll be right back."

Bob looked back at Preddi, who was pacing roundʼ his cage, looking absolutely miserable. Bob gave a sigh, and grabbed the keys to the cage from the wall, unlocking the cage.

"Come on out, Preddi.." Bob said.

"No animal, not even an alien animal should have to be in these conditions."

"Thanks." Preddi said.

Bob looked at Preddi, surprised that he could speak.

"Youʼre welcome, Preddi." Bob replied.

Bob and Preddi left to go outside. Once they were out, Bob pointed up at the night sky.

"Now," He said. "Where exactly do

you come from?"

"There." Preddi said, pointing out at the sky. "There is where I come from."

"And where exactly is that?" Bob asked.

"I do not recall the exact name," Preddi said. "But my home is certainly beyond the confines of your diminutive galaxy."

"If youʼre from another planet, why are you a weasel?" Bob asked.

"My...father...was an earth weasel whoʼd come from the great space-traveling tribe of Naaa-Suh." Preddi spoke. "He met my mother on my home planet, and they fell in love instantly. My father always knew that I would make it back to his home one day, and see how he lived...I did not expect this endeavor to be so hostile...if I wasnʼt so brilliant, dignified, and well-endowed on my homeworld, Iʼd say hʼab sosiʼl quʼch to all those sleemo nerf herder people."

"Oh." Bob said. "Iʼll tell you what—I will help you discover how welcoming the earth can be. Itʼll be fun!"

"You would really do something like that...for me?" Preddi asked.

"Sure thing." Bob said. "Iʼll be your friend."

"What is a friend?" Preddi asked. "D'you, uh...eat it?"

"No..." Bob replied.

End.


	6. 3 animals and a Bob

Bob walked through the shelter one day after an argument with Bastet-Osiris to find Frank N. Beans busy working on some chemicals.

"What'cha workin' on?" He asked, feeling very chipper.

"I'm testing out a brand-new serum—" Frank said. "Lately I've been observing emotional science and I believe this serum will cause two people or animals who have been feuding for a long time to finally reach a mutual understanding."

"Alright." Bob said. "Gimmie that serum, I'll try it."

"Have you ever been feuding with someone in the past year you've been here?" Frank asked.

"Well, said Bob. "There is Bastet. I personally think she should be more kinder to the other animals here."

"Okay then!" Frank said. "You have my permission to do so..."

Bob drank the bottle of green liquid and started to feel funny. He crouched down and walked behind a door to where the litter box was, so as to throw up. Then, an explosion occurred, Frank and Gwen looked inside to see what had happened...

A tiny, little orange kitten had taken Bob's place.

Everyone stared in shock, until Frank N. Beans simply said;

"...oops."

——————

The animals had no idea of what to make of this situation, however they could agree on two things—Bob was very cute, and they would watch him while Frank went to find the cure.

"Don't worry, Frank!" Gwen said. "We'll watch him!"

"Yeah!" BJ said. "How hard could it be?"

"Ugh..." Bastet-Osiris said once Frank had left. "I cannot believe that wretched cat has turned into an infant."

"Bastet!" Gwen said. "How can you be so negative about this!"

"Yeah!" BJ replied. "He's just a little—"

Bob instantly grabbed BJ's face and started tugging on it as though it was made from rubber.

"WOOOAH!!" BJ exclaimed. "WOAH THERE, SON! UNCLE BJ is NOT A KITTY TOY!"

Bob giggled and pounced about.

"Yeah, good luck, chew toy." Bastet snarked and walked off.

"GET YOUR LITTLE BABY HANDS OFF ME!!" BJ exclaimed. "WHY DON'T YOU ACT YOUR AGE FOR ONCE!"

"Oh, you're one to talk..." Gwen snarked, punching BJ.

Tears started to well up in Bob's precious baby kitten eyes. BJ suddenly gasped, and knew that he had made an enormous mistake.

"Oh no, kid, don't cry—" he started.

But it was too late—precious little kitten Bob started to cry and cry, rubbing his eyes with his little baby paws.

"Oh gosh..." BJ immediately snapped his fingers and made a sand worm-themed pacifier for Bob. "I'm sorry, kid."

Just then, Bastet-Osiris emerged, having heard Bob's heart-breaking little cry.

"Oh, come here, precious..." Bastet said, picking up the crying baby kitten, licking his forehead.

"BASTET?!" BJ, along with Gwen exclaimed in unison, both surprised at the cat's sudden motherly instinct.

"I know what to do." Bastet said. "I have had many kittens in my short lifetime."

Little Bob started to purr like a motor boat, then looked up at Bastet-Osiris.

"...mm..." he started to say. "...mm..."

"Yes, darling?" Bastet said. "You can do it."

"...mm...ma-ma.." Bob said.

"WOW!" BJ said. "You really ARE a MUMMY!"

Just then, Frank N. Beans arrived with the cure.

"Okay, now drink it up!" Frank pushed the vial of pink liquid to baby Bob.

"Mm-nn!" Bob shook his little head no.

"Come now, baby..." Bastet smiled and took the vial, giving it to Bob, who drank it right up.

"WOAH!" Frank said, amazed at Bastet's mother skills. "Teach me how to do that!"

Bob was now back to being an adult cat, yet he was still hugging Bastet-Osiris.

"Um, Bob?" She said. "You can let go of my body, now..."

"Mamma!" Bob exclaimed in his adult voice and smiled, then realized what he was doing. "Wait, what happened?"

"You turned into a kitten." Gwen said, bluntly. "AND YOU WERE THE SWEETEST THING EVER!"

Bob noticed that he was still hugging Bastet very tightly. He immediately let go, in fear that she might respond negatively.

"Oh, sorry..." Bob said.

"That is alright, Bob..." Bastet said. "I sort of liked it.."

They hugged again.

"You know, Bob?" Bastet said. "You're not so wretched after all."

"Neither are you..." Bob smiled and hugged her.

End.


	7. Lassez les bon temps rouler!

The sun set over the Mississippi River beautifully that night. Ships docked, providing some beautiful boat tours.

Restaurants smelled of absolutely delicious po-boys, etoufeé, king cake, and seafood gumbo, and on the streets, people paraded around in extravagant costumes and enormous floats.

"My grand-ma

and your grand-

ma were sit-tin' by

the fire.

My grand-ma told

your grand-ma:

"I'm gon-na set

your flag on

fire.""

People tossed colorful purple, green, and yellow beads at crowds, and children were lifted up on shoulders as some Mardi Gras Indians walked around the corner.

"Talk-in' 'bout, Hey now ! Hey

now ! I-ko, I-ko,

un-day

Jock-a-mo fee-no

ai na-né, jock-a-

mo fee na-né"

The people cheered as the lead Indians started dancing along in their intricate headdresses and long, embroidered dresses.

"Lassez les bon temps rouler!"

Exclaimed an Indian to a young boy.

"Look at my

king all dressed in

red I-ko, I-ko, un-

day."

("I bet-cha five

dol-lars he'll kill

you dead,

uh...something

something

something...")

Bob kinda sang along, yet very off-key.

Being since the Annabelle White shelter was closed on Fat Tuesday, the animals left their cages and rooms to find a great spot to hang out, see the sights, and watch the parade. They found a pretty great spot on the top of a docked steamboat, well, great, if you count Jif hacking up a half-digested piece of king cake on Bob.

"JIIIF!!" Exclaimed Bob. "Youʼre supposed to KEEP it in your mouth..."

"Iʼll get it!" Said Gwen. She licked it off, then felt around with her tongue. She pulled out a small figurine covered in spit.

"OOH!! Oh my gosh! I FOUND THE BABY YOU GUYS!!"

"Nice job, Gwen!" Said Jasper.

"Can Iʼs has it?" Asked Patty. "Imʼve always wanted babies..."

"Sure thing!" Said Gwen as she handed the figurine to Patty in her crab leg.

"FRANK!!" She exclaimed to the

other sewn-together cat. "YOO IZ A DADDEH AN I IZ A MAMA NAO!!"

"That is most delightful, Patty!" Said Frank. The two experiments

went to go examine their "baby".

"HEY! HEEEYY!!" BJ yelled as the parade went by. "HEY SEX-AAAAAY, THROW ME SOMETHINʼ! I

WANT WHATʼS COMINʼ TO ME—

LEMME HAVE IT!!" Beej was smushed as a Zulu Coconut went flying from the parade floats.

"...I goʼ it..." he said, then fainted.

Suddenly, Jasper came running up to the ship, holding an autograph book.

"I managed to get all the autographs of 'Big Bad Voodoo

Daddy' for ya, Bob!"

"Well, thanks!" Said Bob, admiring the autographs. "But how did you ever get emʼ?"

"Pffhht!" Jasper raised his paw. "It was nothin—I just looked at emʼ anʼ they started screaminʼ with happiness!"

"Uhh..." Bob sighed. "I dunno if that was happiness..."

"Sure it is!" Exclaimed Jasper.

"I snuck up on one oʼ em, this one guy had his dingy dongle all stickinʼ out and everything—thatʼs weird right there.."

"But I—" Bob started, but Jasper

covered his mouth.

"DID you?!" Exclaimed Jasper, possibly drunk. "I can see your dingy dongle, and furthermore I—

AGH!"

Jasper gazed down to find Audrey and Seymour clenched down on his tail.

"AAGH!—I THOUGHT I got RID OF THAT THING WHEN I WAS ALIVE!!"

Jasper jumped around, trying to get the bunnies off his tail.

"Now J-Jasper, y-youʼve gotta

handle this sort of thing with care—" With one more swerve of his body, Bob was knocked off the pier, and fell down.

(* *THUD!*)

Bob landed, flat on his back.

"Oh no..." he said. "Iʼm on a BOAT!!"

Bob jumped up, and skittered off, until he landed on something rather bumpy...

"Oh, good, a log.." he sighed and tried to paddle himself back. "Wait..." he looked down to see a reptilian eye.

"ALLIGATOR!!!" He splashed about.

Bob looked up and saw a large, white pelican.

"Um, hi?"

"Where yʼat, son?!" Exclaimed the

pelican, extending a webbed foot to

the cat. Bob shook it, and the pelican regurgitated a digested fish to the side.

"That gator!" Bob exclaimed. "He's gonna kill me!"

"Naw, fool, this olʼ boy ainʼt a scary gator! He a good boy!" The pelican

gave the alligator a high-five with his wing.

"Mah name Joliet." Said the pelican. He gestured to the alligator and a slender female opossum holding a shotgun wrapped in flowers and moss. "These my frans, Bordreaux an' Etoufeé."

"Ey." Said Boudreaux.

"Ow' you doin'?" Etoufeé extended a claw, Bob shook it.

"Not so good right now." Said Bob.

"Listen you guys, I fell off the bridge, into a boat, and now Iʼm far away from my friends!"

"Oh, donʼt you fret,now...weʼll git ye back!" Joliet smiled and wrapped a wing around Bob. "Jusʼ gitʼ on Boudreaux anʼ weʼll be back quicker nʼ you kinʼ say tchoupitoulas!"

"Chopawha?" Said Bob before he was shoved onto Boudreaux.

"Dis a Cajun thang, bruh!" Said Etoufeé. "You gots to know where yʼat to suh-vive de bayou! AI-YEEE!!"

She whooped, loudly, scaring a flock of herons in the distance.

"Okay then.." Said Bob, who had crouched down a little.

"Hope yʼall like crowds.." Said

Bordeaux, unnervingly. "Cause once we reach thʼ land, yʼall gotta git though one."

"Oh, thatʼll be a cinch!" Said Bob.

"Not Ifʼn yʼall are walkinʼ down..." Etoufeé moved in closer. "...Rue BOURBON!"

"Whatʼs so bad about that?" Asked

Bob, moving his paw in the water as the sunset turned it yellow.

—————-

"—Oh, now I see..."

Said Bob, who was covered in what appeared to be some alcohol, possibly urine, confetti, the dry

rub from a Cajun-style rack of ribs, and powdered sugar.

He was also awkwardly smushed between the buttcheeks of an overweight man next to an overweight woman.

The massively obese people were a couple, and though Bob partially could not hear, he could hear some things like the man telling the other person "I only have eyes for you" or "you are my world" or some cheesy nonsense like that. The overweight man started to sweat through his Hawaiian shirt, and Bob was now extremely uncomfortable.

"Cʼmon!" Said Etoufeé as she grabbed Bob, yanking him from

the manʼs buttocks with a velcro sound. "Ah knows jusʼ how tʼ clear thʼ way!" She whistled.

The water in a fountain started to rumble, as two, thin white women

dressed in nothing but fig leaves and beads drank mint juleps. They noticed the rumbling and ran away in fear, leaving their fig leaves behind when they saw Bordeaux rising from the water.

"GA-TOOOOORR!!" They exclaimed, abandoning their drinks and other things. People leapt off their floats as the parade was bought to a temporary standstill on that side of the Mississippi.

Bordeaux went back into the water, just as the police were starting to come out with guns.

"Dat went betta den I 'spected!"

Said Etoufeé with a smile.

"...really?" said Bob.

"Yep!" Etoufeé said, before running off.

"Uh, my pals are that way..." said Bob, pointing a paw in another direction.

"Ah KNOWS!" said Etoufeé. "Why you gotta be all rush-rush, man, HAVE SOME FUN!"

The possum grabbed Bob and started pulling him through the streets of New Orleans, past an alley, until they were inside of a restaurant, where a Dixieland jazz band was playing outside in the restaurantʼs gazebo.

"Uh...okay?" said Bob.

"Cʼmon now, Jackson! Cut me a

slice oʼ dat rug!" said Etoufeé as she pulled Bob into a Charleston.

Bob and Etoufeé started out rather slowly while they danced, and as they got more and more comfortable, they danced quicker and quicker until Bob flung Etoufeé high into the air, the little opossum landing on a cochon de laít sandwich.

"Dʼlicious!" Etoufeé happily exclaimed and took a huge bite of the sandwich.

The woman who had ordered the sandwich screamed, and tossed Etoufeé out one of the windows, and Bob ran after her.

Over the course of the next hour they walked around various parts of Bourbon Street, through nightclubs, inside of trolleys, interrupting a marching band and a Saints football game, and got seriously drunk in a margarita bar.

Once Bob had returned to the pier, his friends gathered around and hugged him.

"Bob!" said Gwen.

"We missed you.." said Friday.

"Well, you can thank these guys..." said Bob, as Joliet landed on a rail, and Etoufeé and Bordreaux came from the water.

"Where Yʼat?!" said Joliet.

"Hi!" said Etoufeé.

"Ooooooh..." said Jif as he approached Etoufeé, smelling her sweet, natural musk. "Preteeeee..."

"BEIGNET?!" exclaimed Etoufeé, staring at Jif. "Ah though you was

DEAD!!"

End...(to be continued)


	8. SUE-WEEEEEEEEE!

It was the annual Hog-Callinʼ competition and County Fair in Baton Rouge, and Frank N. Beans had offered to bring Bastet, Tim, and BJ said yes, even though Bastet expressed disdain at getting her wraps dirty, and BJ was positively ecstatic!

"Iʼll see you guys around..." said BJ as he shape-shifted into a human wearing overalls much like a farmer.

"And whereʼre you going?" Bastet asked.

"Why, little lady..." BJ said in a

southern accent. "Iʼm-a gonʼ claim

that thar livestock prize foʼ mah own!" BJ immediately shape-shifted into a cow.

"Won't you get caught and thrown out?" Bastet asked.

"No—"

Then, he turned into an enormously wooly sheep.

"Iʼm—"

Finally, BJ became an egg. Frank moved closer to inspect the egg, when BJ, as a baby chick poked his head out.

"Not!" He said, before cheeping and turning himself into a human once again.

"Well, suit yourself." Frank said. "Iʼm gonna go...uh...test the science of the cotton candy machine! Yeah!"

Bastet rounded a corner, trying as hard as she could not to get dirty, when she started to hear something.

"...Yolanda, stop it!" A voice said.

It was three very fat, very ugly pigs

in front of a much smaller, cuter one. The obese pigs were wearing eyeshadow and had their hooves painted. The smaller one, while not wearing makeup, was already very cute...she was just being tormented by those other pigs.

"Yolanda, have a HEART!" The smaller pig exclaimed.

"Oh Iʼm sorry—did any of you guys

hear that? Any sympathy for the weird girl?" Yolanda, the lead pig, told the other two pigs. "Yeah, thatʼs what moi thought! Now let us go—the popular animals must

attend a facial..."

The three pigs laughed rather snootily, and walked away. Bastet looked at the smaller pig, and walked closer, feeling sympathy for her.

"Hi..." she said. "My nameʼs Bastet.."

"M-my nameʼs Sherrie.." the pig spoke.

"What are you doing here?"

"Iʼm in a weight and grooming competition..." Sherrie said. "But

Iʼm not fat like the other pigs, so

maybe Iʼm thinkinʼ Iʼll get first prize in the beauty part of the competition."

"Iʼm sure youʼll win..." Bastet said. "But youʼve gotta let the other pigs

know that itʼs not very nice to be mistreated this way."

"I wish I could stand up for myself..." Sherrie said. "But Yolandaʼs always

been a jerk to me ever since we were piglets."

"Well you know what?" Bastet said. "I am over a thousand years old—possibly even more—Iʼve had my share of people mistreating me, but ya know what? I didnʼt let that get to me, cause I kept repeating to myself that Iʼm a goddess, and since then, Iʼve had the greatest amount of confidence in my entire Egyptian kingdom!"

"Wow!" Sherrie said. "That sounds

super inspiring! Okay, Iʼll try to tell

myself that when Iʼm up there."

———————

"Up next..." said an undeniably bored announcer. "We have Sherrie!"

The crowds cheered as Sherrieʼs owner bought her out to be observed by the judges. Bastet watched from afar, then was greeted by a very large sheepdog holding all sorts of awards, filled to the brim with cash prizes.

"Hey, Basty!" The dog said before it shape-shifted back into BJ. "Look at how much I won!"

"That is wonderful, BJ!" Bastet exclaimed, then looked back up.

"Say, whoʼs the pig?" BJ asked.

"Oh, thatʼs Sherrie." Bastet said. "Sheʼs a new friend of mine!"

("Iʼm a goddess...") Sherrie told herself while up there on stage. ("Iʼm a goddess...Iʼm a goddess..")

"Well..." said the announcer as he examined Sherrie. "I think we have a winner, folks!"

Sherrie grinned widely, but this

happiness would not last.

From the stage ceiling, about ten gallons of bright, red blood cane splashing down on her face, and all over the stage.

Sherrie looked down.

About a gallon of blood had been poured on her little face, staining every part of her body.

The other pigs that had made fun of her earlier were now ROARING with laughter at her expense.

Then, she grew incredibly angry.

"STOP IT!!" Sherrie boomed.

Sherrie immediately started to glow a bright red, and for some reason, she started levitating.

The lights on the ferris wheel went out, and all the attractions became stuck.

Everyone screamed, then Sherrie managed to lift up the pigs that were making fun of her, including Yolanda, and toss them into the oil containers for the pork cracklins stand, dissolving a part of Yolandaʼs face.

"MOI SNOUT!!" She squealed. "MOI BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL SNOOOOOUT!!

"Weʼve got to do something.." Bastet said.

"Sʼcuse me, hello kitty..." BJ said. "I know JUST how to squeal on a pig farmer..."

BJ leapt into the air until he became

dust. He flung himself into the mouth of a man behind the curtain who was holding a bucket of blood (he was clearly the culprit) and BJ possessed him.

"Um, hello? Is this thing on?" He said in that manʼs voice. "Yeah, well, I was the one who got the blood on the pig there, see? And Iʼd like to be arrested now, thank you."

The cops immediately jumped on the man, and the announcer took the award from Yolanda.

"MOI AWARD!!" She screamed.

"NOOOOO!!"

"I think we know who this belongs to..." the announcer said with a smile as he placed the blue ribbon on Sherrie. Everyone clapped, especially Bastet.

"Well," Frank said. "I think we can learn not to put pearls before swine.."

"BOOOOO!!" Bastet and BJ said.

"What? It—it was funnier in my head, okay?" Frank stammered.

——————

After the fair, Bastet, Beej, and Frank started to walk home.

"That was great how you saved the fair, BJ!" Bastet smiled.

"I always try to give a stellar performance..." BJ flexed his (suddenly very large) muscles. "Even if that place is a pigsty."

"HEY WAIT UP!!" Someone called.

It was Sherrie, running towards Bastet, BJ, and Frank.

"Thanks for helping me!" Sherrie smiled. "I bought you guys something—"

Sherrie pulled out her blue ribbon, and split it in half, handing one piece to the three animals.

"Wow, thanks!" Frank replied. "But donʼt you want it?"

"Nah..." Sherrie replied. "Lookinʼ great ainʼt whatʼs cracked up to be—Iʼm a pig! I should get to be dirty!"

"SUE-WEEEEE!!" Sherrieʼs owner

called her back.

"I gotta go now..." Sherrie smiled. "Bastet, Iʼll never forget you!"

"Me neither." Bastet smiled.

End.


	9. Le Legend Du Loup-Garoux!

A few years ago in the bayous of Louisiana, two werewolves from separate tribes ran into each other one night while hunting.

One was called Jean, he was very muscular and red-furred, and the other was a tall, slender, brown-furred female called Marigold.

It took a while, but these two realized that they loved each other one day.

Over the years, Jean and Marigold continued to date—hunting deer, howling at the moon, exploring the human world (they would do so by turning themselves human, thanks to wearing necklaces with an enchanted moonstone charm), even eating human flesh!

They were able to explore the human world easily through the usage of two magical moon-shaped moonstone necklaces allowing a werewolf to take human form during the night. If a werewolf removed it while in human form, he or she would instantly become a werewolf again.

Eventually, the two of them were wed before the Werewolf chieftain and had puppies some months after. They had a total of five werewolf pups once the due date arrived. Two were boys, named Thorn and Forest, two were girls, named Jade, Claw, and for a while they hadn't any idea what to name the youngest girl.

"What shall we call the last one?" Jean asked.

"Mon petit...I will call her Gwendolyn..." Marigold smiled and licked the puppy.

End.


	10. Freddy Vs Jason

It was nighttime at the animal shelter.

All was quiet, and every animal was asleep.

Every animal, except for one.

Jasper was at an apartment near the French Quarter, haunting the old couple who'd killed him back in the 50s. He was still a friendly ghost, but when it came to people like that, his kindred nature faded.

"Man, the looks on their faces!"

He laughed as he left the apartment. Jasper looked at a ghost bird. "I think these losers I was haunting wet themselves!" He

said to the bird.

Jasper and the bird laughed. The bird flew off into the night sky, Jasper waved a paw.

"See ya!!" He yelled.

Jasper was about to head back to the shelter, when he thought he'd take a detour. He flew over the city of New Orleans, watching the

nightlife.

It was two weeks before Mardi Gras, and people were already setting up the floats. Jazz bands were practicing, and people were

decorating things with lots of glitter

and fake gemstones. The smell of king cake wafted through the air, along with étouffée and spicy Cajun foods.

Jasper left the city, and into the dark, swampy bayou. Tall trees mostly covered the area, and a few fireflies occasionally popped up and

illuminated the area. Jasper perched on a weeping willow and looked out at the night sky.

Herons flew overhead, and a deep groan from a few alligators could be heard.

Then, something caught his eye.

A large, male cougar was running through the swamps, trying to catch something. He wore a brown fedora, and had strange stripe marks on his arms and torso, kinda giving the appearance of a sweater.

Something jumped out of the water.

The cougar chased it up a tree. Upon closer inspection, this was a white goose, and he was strangely wearing a hockey mask. The hockey mask had a large hole in front so the goose's bill wasn't in the way of the mask. The goose jumped on another tree branch and blew a raspberry at the cougar. The cougar snarled. Claws and teeth bared, he reached out and tried to impale the goose.

"HAH!" Said the goose, mooning the wildcat. "YOU COULDN'T HIT THE SIDE OF A--"

-SHING!!-

The cougar had removed most of

the goose's tail feathers.

"AAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHH!!!!" Exclaimed the goose.

The cougar jumped from the tree

branch and landed in the swamp with a loud *"SP-LAAASH!!!!"*. He emerged from the water and shook himself dry.

However, his fur puffed up, making the goose laugh even more. The cat spat out a crayfish and ran after the goose.

The goose gave a loud "HOOOONK!!" and ran from his

hunter. Both fowl and wildcat continued to run and clash throughout the bayou. The goose

ran into an old log, from within he wheezed, panted and looked around.

Jasper entered through the log and sat down next to him.

"Hi!" Said Jasper.

The goose calmed down. He peeked from behind his hockey mask.

"H-H-hi.." He said, still somewhat frightened. His bill chattered.

"I'm Jasper!" Jasper introduced, hoping to calm the frightened gander. "What's your name?"

A large paw with impossibly sharp

claws broke through the log.

"I'MJASON!!" Exclaimed the goose, dodging the cat's claws.

The goose shuffled to the end of the log.

"Jason?" Said Jasper.

"YEAH! JASON VOORGEESE!!" Exclaimed the goose. He jumped out of the end of the log, Jasper

followed.

The cougar was stuck on the front part of the log, he shook his head wildly until the log flew from half his body and cracked on a rock.

"Who's the cat?!" Asked Jasper.

"FREDDY!!" Exclaimed Jason. "HIS NAME IS FREDDY COUGAR!!"

Jason and Jasper hid in a few bushes. Jasper looked out, when the cougar ripped the bushes to shreds. The cougar snarled at Jason, saliva from his teeth dropping like spiderwebs. He looked away from Jason and smiled at Jasper.

"Mmmmmmmmm!!!" Exclaimed Freddy. "A nice, delicious little doggy desert to finish off my duck.."

"He's dead, stupid!" Exclaimed Jason.

"SHUT UP, DUCK!!" Freddy grasped Jason's throat and prepared to slice him.

"IM' A GOOSE!!" Yelled Jason.

"YOU WANNA GO?!" Exclaimed Freddy. He tossed Jason to the ground and revealed his claws.

"YEAH! COME AT ME, BRUH!! I KNOW DIM SUM!!" Jason made a bunch of awkward

faux kung-fu moves.

Freddy and Jason were about to fight, when Jasper pushed them aside.

"WOAH! WOAH! WOAH!!" He said. "CAAAAALLLM YO' SELVES!! What's this all about? Why are you fighting?"

"Oh." Said Freddy. "This is all because the FEATHER DUSTER ON LEGS called me a kitty!!"

"WRONG!!" Said Jason. "YOU'RE DEAD WRONG!! THIS WALKING RUG SAID MY MOTHER WAS A PIECE OF KFC!!"

Jason and Freddy continued to argue, until Jasper broke them up yet again.

"Gentlemen..." Said Jasper. "There's only one way to solve this feud..."

Jasper snapped his finger and changed the background to a ghetto-esque street. Microphones materialized in Freddy and Jasper's right hands.

"A RAP BATTLE!!"

Jason and Freddy looked at each other. Freddy had a red and dark green striped hoodie, shades, and a gold 'F' pendant. Jason wore a black hoodie with a bedazzled machete on the back.

"One, two three,

son,

You ain't comin'

fo' me!

Four, five, six,

Ain't listi'nen to ya

tricks,

Don't need no

crucifix,

Im'a nix this,

Like a dawg, or a

lol-i-pop,

Im'a lick this!"

Jason backed away. Freddy looked at his mic, and thought up a verse.

"Listen up duck,

You be so outta luck,

Cause the Fred-

inator's starvin',

Your feathers I will

pluck!

There's a Puma

concolor,

Ready to pounce

and attack,

If ya wanna

survive,

I suggest that ya

step back!

I ain't in the right

mood,

Don't push me,

dude,

Cause hey! I spy some delicious

duck CAT FOOD!!"

Jason chuckled, then he thought of his next verse.

"Cat food?

Aww! Does kitty

want a mousy?

I'll get you a collar

with a sweet

wittle bell, see?

Or maybe

matching pink

bows,

Lis'n to my flows,

Cain't always jus'

walk around an'

stop to smell a

rose!

My raps ain't pa-

cin',

I'll make your

heart go ra-cin',

Your muzzle's all

shriveled an it

looks like a ra-sin!

This verse ain't

such a sin, my

patience is wearin'

thin, I ain't done!

Go get a mani and

a pedi,

And come right

back here, son!"

Freddy's eye twitched. He inhaled, and thought up a totally boss rhyme.

"Friday the 13th,

Ooh, so unlucky,

Ain't gon' let you

toy wit' me,

ducky,

Like Chucky!

Ev'ry rhyme you'll

throw at me, I'ma

defend mah self

see?

You got about as much swag as...

Well, a PILLOW!

That won't last

long when you're

pierced by these

claws, yo!

You betta be

ready,

Cause here comes

da Freddy,

Yo' goose be

cooked,

Ya Personality is

'fleet',

Im'a make dis a

Nightmare on

YOUR STREET!!!"

Freddy finished the rap and glared at Jason. The scene changed back to the swamps.

Jasper looked at the boys and smiled.

"Well, gentlemen?" He said.

Freddy and Jason fist-bumped.

"That was totally PHAT!!" Exclaimed Jason. "Especially Freddy, I must

admit."

"Yeah!" Exclaimed Freddy. Then, something snapped within his mind, and he snatched Jason. "WAIT, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!!"

"I said you're phat!" Exclaimed Jason.

Freddy snarled louder.

"P-h-a-t, you ever heard that word before?" Jason started to move back. "Fo shizzle? Totally fly? Crunk? Wiggedy whack? Shawty?" Jason continued to list varied slang.

"YOU CALLED ME FAT!!!"

As Jasper walked away, the sounds of an angry cougar could be heard. Jason screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Some people never learn..." said Jasper.

He materialized into a white smoke and drifted back to the animal shelter.

End.


	11. Little shop of wabbits

One evening, it rained exceptionally hard.

On the steps of the Annabelle White shelter, footsteps were heard as someone rang the doorbell, placed

something down, and calmly walked away. Pretty soon, the people working at the shelter

approached the door, looked out, and picked up the thing that was placed down.

"Oh, arenʼt they just precious?!" Said one human.

"Theyʼll make such great friends with our animals!" Said another human.

As the two humans dropped off the

new thing in one of the animals rooms, they had no idea that someone was watching. It was Jasper, to be precise. He stared at the little thing, the bassinet, and

carried it over to Bob.

"Hey BOB!" Exclaimed Jasper. "Look AT THIS!"

The ghostly dog placed the bassinet in front of Bob, who was waking up from a nice, long catnap...

Bob opened his eyes and audibly gasped at what he saw. Within the bassinet, two, small, baby bunnies slept soundly, covered by warm blankets.

But the strangest thing about these bunnies (that the humans didn't notice), was that though they appeared to be made of vegetables!

"They left a note..." said Bob as he read from a note taped to the bassinet.

"Please take care of my babies" the note read.

"Iʼll do it!" said Bob. "Takinʼ care of baby bunnies shouldnʼt be hard!"

——

For five or so days, it was the same thing. Bob would give the baby bunnies a vegetable or two, but they did not eat.

"I donʼt know what Iʼm doing wrong!" Said Bob to his pals one day.

"Maybe cause theyʼre already made of veggies, they donʼt need to eat emʼ!" Said Gwen.

"Yes, but they arenʼt regular rabbits!" Said Bob.

"Here," Said Frank, passing Bob a note. "Meet me in my cage with the bunnies at 5 tomorrow."

"...thanks?" Said Bob.

——

Bob approached the little rabbits just as he started to sing.

"I gave you

guys radishes,

I gave you guys

beets,

Every time you

eat nuthinʼ,

I just feel real

beat!

(With an "a"

now)"

Bob sang, seated on his knees in front of the bunnies. He walked around, lamenting at all he tried to do for them.

"I gave you

guys carrots,

But then you bite

my butt!"

"AUUGH!!" Exclaimed Bob as soon as he found Audrey biting his derrieré.

"Your weird

little fangs and

claws and thangs

are drivinʼ me

nuts!"

Suddenly Bob tripped and cut a part of his paw on a loose nail. Audrey and Seymour rushed over and sucked the blood from his digit.

"Hey, thanks!" Said Bob. "Wait, WHAT?!"

"Little bunnies

should be sweet,

Little bunnies

should be nice,

But now I got a weird feeling,

Order up! One

me-burger with

fries!"

Bob offered more blood to the bunnies, who began sucking on his digit like a motherʼs teat.

"I gave you

guys water,

And a nice warm

cage,

Now with your

appetites,

Paper cutsʼre all

the rage!

Iʼll give you some

blood if you donʼt

mind,

Rabbits, please

donʼt bite my

behind,

Just grow, grow,

grow, grow,

Grow for

meeeeeee!!"

Bob finished with all his might.

——-

Frank approached Bob the next day when he was raising the bunnies. Surprisingly, it was very calm.

"Bob?" He called.

"Shhh!!" Bob whispered. He was holding the two bunnies, who were wrapped in respective pink and blue blankets. "Audreyʼs about to say her first word!"

"FEED MEH." said little Audrey.

End.


	12. Bite Club

One evening, Bob, Gwen, and Jif sat around the TV in the animal shelter break room, watching a wrestling match. Of course, this is the WWE, and it's fake...or is it?

"THE CHAIR!! GIVE HIM THE CHAIR!" Bob shouted.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" All the animals exclaimed while watching the tv.

"I bet I could last just as long as that guy could." Bob said then took a sip of some soda.

"Oh really?" Gwen asked. "You wanna bet?"

"Bring it on!" Bob smiled, not knowing what he was getting into.

————————-

"...Liberty BOB?!" Bob exclaimed. "What kinda lame name is that?!"

"Hey, it's a good one!" Gwen smiled. "Like Liberty Belle except it's a guy!"

"But that doesn't make sense.." Bob said, putting on the powdered wig, along with the stars-and-stripes patterned unitard that belonged to the original wrestler (he was sick that day).

"OOOOOOOHHHHHH PRETTYYYYYYYY..." Jif chuckled rather stupidly and proceeded to rub Bob's powdered wig.

"I'm not doin' this." Bob said.

"Come on!" Gwen smiled. "You'll be great! Besides, you kinda have to, cause I told the other guys to get the fight on pay-per-view!"

————————-

"AAAAGH! Are they on yet?!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Hold your horses, Rin Tin Tin.." BJ said, flipping through the remote for the shelter break room's tv. "It's almost time..."

"There it is! (*SQUAK!*)" Tim yelled. "There it is! (*SQUAK!*)"

~"WELCOME BACK TO THE FIRST EVER WWE BAYOU BEATIN', LIIIIIVE AT THE MERCEDES-BENZ SUPERDOOOOOOME, ONLY ON PAY-PER VIEWWWWW!!"~

"Oh, dis gonna be good, mon..." Tituba walked in, carrying a bag of Cajun spice-flavored chips. "De Bob chile will not last a second.."

——————

The spotlights came into the ring, "Everybody Dance Now" played over loudspeakers while streams of multi-colored fire shot out from the sides of the ring.

The announcer, a small man, walked onto the ring just as the microphone was being sent down where he could grab it.

~"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THIS CORNER, HIS STAAARS AND STRIPES ARE BIG AND BRIGHT, HE'S GONNA BRING THE AMBER WAVES OF PAIN, SO GIVE HIM YOUR POOR, TIRED, HUDDLED MASSES—IIIIIT'S LIIIIIIBEERTY BOOOOOOOOB!!"

Bob awkwardly walked out into the ring, his tail tucked behind the outfit, attempting to stretch whatever muscles he had. The crowd was silent, until one guy spoke up.

"WHERE'S THE REST OF HIM?!!!" He hollered.

Bob smiled awkwardly.

Gwen facepalmed.

("Alan Parsons Project" plays)

~"AND NOW IN THIS OTHER CORNER, FOR HIS FIRST FIGHT SINCE THE INFAMOUS 1982 ACID-FACE INCIDENT, GIVE IT UP FOR THE MAN WHO REQUIRES NO INTRODUCTION, HE KNOWS A MINUTE ON THE LIPS IS A LIFETIME ON THE HIPS, THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDERTHIGHS JOHNSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

The crowd roared with applause as Bobʼs opponent strode onto the ring, doing a perfect flip before landing. Bob gulped and started sweating buckets at the sight of this guy.

"Thunderthighs" Johnson, true to his name, had massively thick, elephant-like legs. He had cold, blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and enormous biceps. He only wore a tiny pair of shorts that were clearly too tight for his sweaty, thick legs and hairy gut.

"Yʼall is mincemeat." He told Bob in the gruffest voice possible.

As soon as the bell rang, Thunderthighs went flying into the air.

"OH FU—" Bob yelled before running out of the way.

Thunderthighs landed on the floor with a *"THUD!"*. Bob gave a sigh of relief once he was out of the way, but Thunderthighsʼ big, meaty hand gripped Bobʼs neck and pulled him

closer.

"Um...hi..." Bob squeaked.

Thunderthighs opened up his legs,

and placed Bob inside.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no..." Bob gasped as his fat, sweaty legs closed in on his face.

Thunderthighs clamped his legs

on Bobʼs neck, and *KER-RUNCH!* Bob could not move at all. Then, Thunderthighs opened his legs, revealing a very crunched up Bob.

"K-kill m-me..." Bob groaned.

"You're doing great!" Gwen smiled at the beaten-up Bob.

"Yeah!" Jif replied.

Bob only continued to be mercilessly beaten by Thunderthighs. He became full-Nelson'd, half-Nelson'd, and even quarter-Nelson'd. Eventually, after a little while, Gwen realized this wasn't going anywhere.

"Okay...he's not doing great." She finally replied.

Suddenly, Gwen noticed that Jif was chewing on a banana he'd found in the trash. She grabbed the peel, and tossed it out in the ring.

("HEY'Z!" Jif exclaimed. "DAT was MINE!")

Thunderthighs' eyes grew wide as he slipped on the banana and suffered a devastating fall. Bob watched this, then gave a very devious smile.

(Cue 12th St. Rag)

Bob placed that banana peel elsewhere and stood near it. Thunderthighs gave a loud roar and started charging at Bob with the speed of a freight train. Once his foot touched the banana peel once again, he slipped and this time, he did a perfect splits, making only one tear shed from his eye, as his sizable groin hurt like the dickens!

"Oh jeez..." Bob said, sarcastically. "Did that hurt?"

Thunderthighs roared in Bob's face and went after him for one final charge. Bob stood at the edge of the ropes, pulled back, and being since Thunderthighs was so beaten-up by now, Bob dug one of his claws deep into his face, making him screech in pain and fall to the ground.

"ONE! TWO! THREE!!" The ref shouted.

The crowd cheered as the belt was handed to Bob and the announcer lifted up Bob's right paw.

"THE WINNER, LIIIIIIIIIIIIIBERTY BOOOOOOOOOOOOB!"

One of the bikini girls lifted Bob high into the air with two hands. Gwen showed up and shape-shifted into her human form.

"You okay, Bob?" She asked.

"I'm having the time of my life..." Bob replied, smiling. "Told you I could beat a guy in wrestling."

End...season 2 is coming soon.


End file.
